ALCOHOROSCOPES;BASED ON YOUR SUNSIGNS YOUR EXPECTED BEHAVIOR AFTER YOU GET DRUNK IS...


LIBRA Drinking style "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra,
"it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to
party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good
Libra (with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil
Libra
side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really
work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble
! flirting with every man/woman in the room or even blacking out the
night's events entirely. Oops!



ARIES : Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and
sometime sdon't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak
makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun
drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting
Aries
people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should
other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they
will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not
forgotten)
by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long
as
you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night.


TAURUS Drinking style Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely
pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a
truly
intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of
bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets
and
tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining
(or
Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the
rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a
teetotaler
-- God, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loud
mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a
karaoke bar when intoxicated.



GEMINI Drinking style Gemini's can drink without changing their
behavior much-- they're so naturally chatty and
short-attention-spanned
that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by
conversing
with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely
advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's
possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly,
which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order
different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may
create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and
limoncello) for their own amusement.



CANCER Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an
extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra
comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio
and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at
ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists
--
and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead,
they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But
there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few
bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your
second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor
vanilla,
and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.



LEO Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often
fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing
their
commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite
aware
they're! darling -Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know
their
limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get
over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the
one
what rung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk,
so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expects a sheepish
(and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.



VIRGO Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose
order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could
lead to drinking less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead
to
drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand
loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do!
Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast
lurking within, and they le! t it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy
(and
surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm
going
to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight." A toast to
the sub genius IQ!



SCORPIO Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had
enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep
tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite.
Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that.
Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not
as a
personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps
seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking
pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also
remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed.
Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.



SAGITTARIUS Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for
Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all
your
secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just
plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else
would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush
twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone
in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else
--
like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are
sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping;
spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).



CAPRICORN Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as
practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder
they
get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the
sign
of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is
the
true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not
too
eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who're you
to
quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or
totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to
loosen
up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a
cute
groupie.




AQUARIUS Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together
that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency
toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're
more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or
organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their
duties
to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that
case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also
make
the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start
raising their wrist):Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and
capable
of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while
sober.



PISCES Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably
already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality
--with
Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to
lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can
give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an
expensive
date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting
partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces,
you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed
together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two
ways, you know.